I’ m fed up with being told how untidy I am. But really I’m not untidy where it matters! Anybody can be tidy in their house, easy-peasy, but I’m tidy in my drawers, bookshelves, cellar! Howzatt! But wanting to show you all and the two tidy-police who are my kids, I decided to do something useful during lockdown, catalogue my dvds. I bought beautiful trendy shelves which hold 50- ish, seemingly invisibly attached to my wall. They could hold more if 1) I were taller 2) I had a taller stepladder! Anyway off I go full of enthusiasm. First the listing, then putting them into boxes using my own alphabet order as well as that of a new app which I actually paid for, I’m not a cheapskate! (Concerning the app it’s in Italian and the list of film genres is not as large as I hoped, as usual we have very precise categories in English including the marvellous”mockumentary)
Let’s put them in the boxes, great, shuffle, rearrange, leave a little space for growth, great. DAMMIT!
Some more dvds hiding (I swear) behind some books. Move the dvds out of the box (by now they’re boxed ) to accomodate the newly-found ones. Good. Wait a moment what’s that on my bookshelf? Damn damn damn. Out they come again and are rearranged. If I find any more I’ll…….I find some more. I shall put them on the floor that’ll make any future rearrangements so much simpler…..it does. Now that they are on the floor ready to be boxed, quite casually (never send off a picture on Whatsapp CASUALLY) I send a photo to a friend who’s interested in films for the technicalities, the nitty-gritty. Not for the beauty or interest of the film. Are those dvds on your floor? YES. Haven’t you got underfloor heating?( You my readers already know where this is going don’t you?) But they’re not vinyl, they won’t bend …..will they? Put them on the table (table too untidy, anyway the cat would knock them off, though I don’t actually say this) .So I sign off the phone call and try to sleep. Still trying at 230, so I get up in the middle of the night and put them, not quite randomly in boxes, on chairs, on a blanket and go back to bed. Previously I had already sourced the perfect boxes at the local supermarket.The first time I went I had decided to pick them up at the end of my shopping and it was not until I was halfway home when I remembered I had forgotten. The next time I went, there was a huge display of boxes but none of the ones I wanted! Woe is me. I made a glum detour and found them, hidden away, by now in despair. All I have to do now is pack them into the boxes and find someone strong to take them down into my cellar! what price tidiness!
English that grows 